


this is not the end, this is just the world

by gilligankane



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-24
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 05:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10984467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: "I mean, there is an Alex Danvers in this world. But I'm not... I look like her but I'm not her. I'm from another world." She expects Kara to laugh or call her crazy but Kara just looks at her expectantly, waiting for more. "I was on my home. To Maggie. And to you. And I slipped and fell and I've been, God," she scoffs. "I've been tripping into other worlds. And they've been terrible, Kara. I'm always so lost. Either you're so far away or Maggie is gone or I've done something terrible and I'm alone and I can't ever-"





	this is not the end, this is just the world

**Author's Note:**

> Who even knows what this stemmed from or where it went or why it did.

 

**present world**   **(world 38)**

Alex slips. 

She ignores the "Caution: Wet Floor" sign at the end of the hallway, already an hour late for dinner. Her phone died sometime during the day and she knows Maggie has tried to reach her; is probably already calling Kara and J'nonn and Winn to check up on her. 

(Since Rick Malvern, Maggie texts often and unapologetically. At first, Alex tries to convince Maggie she's fine, she's okay, she'll recover. It takes her exactly three days of constant "how are you?" texts for to realize that Maggie is doing it for  _Maggie_ , not for her. So they compromise on how much and how often and they both breathe a little easier.)

She's rushing and she rounds the corner with a file in one hand and her now-cold coffee in the other and there's a puddle she can't avoid and she slips. 

It's the kind of fall where she knows it's happening and she can do nothing to stop it. So she closes her eyes tightly and she braces for the impact. 

It never comes. 

Confused, she opens her eyes and realizes she's still falling -  _through_  the floor, not onto it. The walls spark blue and the floor is a large, dark, swirling vortex. She knows what this is, what it means. 

The last thought she has as the DEO fades out of sight is that Maggie is going to kill her for being late and Alex is going to kill Winn when she finds him. 

 

 

**world 32**

A time portal. She slipped on a puddle and got sucked into a time portal. 

Alex stands up slowly, feeling disoriented. She goes to wipe her hands on her jeans but they're not there, replaced instead with a dress she would never pick out for herself - a neckline plunging halfway down her torso. 

"There you are," someone whispers in her ear. A big hand slides low around her waist. "I was beginning to think you'd forgotten me."

Alex turns slowly, her own hand reaching to her side for a weapon she's not carrying. "Max?"

He smiles crookedly, his eyes concerned for a moment. "Yes?"

"Max," Alex breathes out quietly. She's becoming more aware of her surroundings now; of the large penthouse suite she standing in; of the big windows overlooking National City; of the weight on her left hand.

"The party is starting," Max says. "Shall we join them?"

"The party," Alex repeats. 

The door opens and Alex sags slightly in relief. Kara stands in the doorway, a smile stretched wide across her face. Alex feels something inside of her right itself and she unwinds herself from Max's grip, moving to Kara. 

"There you are," Kara says. 

"You found me," Alex breathes out. 

Kara rolls her eyes. "Well, duh. Alex-avoiding-a-party always goes back to her room."

Alex freezes. This is not  _her_  Kara. "Right," she says slowly. 

"But obviously we can't have your engagement party without you," Kara continues. She smiles at Max over Alex's shoulder. "And everyone is looking for the happy couple, so hurry up before Daniel starts telling people stories of Max before you domesticated him."

Max laughs from behind her. "I wasn't that bad."

Alex rolls her eyes without thinking about it. She remembers Max Lord, his smugness and his insufferable cockiness.  _This_  Max does seem a little more tame, a little easier to handle. But his hand settles on her hip again and she uses every training tool she has not to flinch. His hand is too large, too heavy, and it burns through her dress into her hipbone. Every muscle in her body is screaming that this is foreign and  _wrong_. 

"Come on," Kara urges, pulling her out of Max's grip. "They want you to make a speech." 

She pulls Alex until they're out of the bedroom and into the main room. The space is massive and filled with people she doesn't know. Each one of them touches her as Kara pulls her through the crowd, offering quick congratulations and complimenting her dress. She feels like she's in a wind tunnel and she can't find her footing. Kara's hand on her wrist is the only thing keeping her grounded but even that feels off, unfamiliar.

"Danvers!"

Alex turns quickly, her heart in her throat. 

_Maggie_. 

She's cutting through the crowd towards Alex. She's smiling and Alex's fingers ache to reach for her, to touch her, to press a thumb into her dimple and kiss her. She opens her mouth to say hi and Maggie presses past her, their shoulders bumping as Maggie comes to a stop in front of Kara. 

"Hey, Danvers," she says, a hand at Kara's wrist. 

Kara smiles brightly and puts her hand on Maggie's shoulder. "You came!" She looks over Maggie's shoulder to Alex. "Alex, this is the Detective I was telling about. The one who gives me the inside scoop on alien crime."

Maggie flushes - not that anyone can see. But Alex knows this face, even if it doesn't know her, and she can see the tips of Maggie's ears redden. "You mean you're the nosey reporter who pesters me until I give you a quote," she fires back. 

Kara shrugs with a smile on her face. "You like me."

Maggie sighs, over dramatic. "Anything for a friend, Danvers."

"This is my sister, Alex," Kara introduces. 

"Max Lord's fiancé," Maggie finishes. "I've seen you in the papers."

Alex frowns. "Right," she says slowly. 

"Kara has told me a lot about you," Maggie continues. "I feel like I already know you."

But Maggie's eyes are blank. She doesn't know Alex at all. 

"Maggie is super cool," Kara continues. "I mean, she's not as good at Pictionary as you are, but she's pretty good."

"She plays Pictionary with you?" Alex asks, frowning. 

Kara shrugs again, this time a little softer. "You stopped coming to game night," she says quietly. 

Alex tries to take all this in. She tries to wrap her head around everything: no more game nights with Kara; no Maggie; Max.  _Who is she in this world_ , she wonders. The room spins on its axis and she presses against Kara's shoulder, trying to steady herself. A warm hand cups her elbow, holding her up, and a familiar hand slides around her waist. 

And then those familiar hands are drifting away and Max is in her ear, asking her if she's all right. She pushes away from him and grabs for Kara. 

"I stopped coming to game night?" she asks before she can stop herself, her voice breaking. 

Kara looks around quickly, the smile on her face fading into concern. "Alex, are you okay?"

She knows about timelines - Winn talks about then obsessively when he's not on the clock - and she knows how sensitive timelines are and how easily she can disrupt everything - but Rick Malvern is in the back of her head, taking everything away from her, and she won't let him have this. 

Alex pulls, dragging Kara behind her through the party, weaving her way back into the bedroom. The room is completely empty but the air sparks around them, as if the portal is lingering, waiting to swallow her up. Kara rubs at her wrist absently as Maggie slips in behind them. 

"Alex?"

"Listen," she starts. She looks back at the door to make sure it's closed. "Listen, something is wrong. I'm not - this is not where I'm supposed to be."

Kara raises an eyebrow. "Marrying Max?"

"Everything," she says. The air feel humid now. "I'm not from here. This isn't my world."

Kara's mouth twitches the way it always used to when Jeremiah would remind her that she needed to be careful; that she wasn't from this planet and some people wouldn't understand. "Alex," she says cautiously. 

Alex shakes her head dismissively. "I'm not kidding, Kara. This isn't my life. This isn't my world. I fell through a time portal because Winn never reported a rogue time portal drifting through the DEO halls."

Kara tilts her head to the side and frowns. "Winn, the guy is from Catco?"

"No. Winn, your friend, who works at the DEO," Alex corrects. "And you don't work at Catco. Snapper fires you. You're  _Supergirl_. You work with me at the DEO." 

Alex thinks about Black Mercy. She remembers being sucked into Kara's subconscious and having to prove who she was. Even without guards pulling at her shoulders, she feels back in that moment all over again. Kara is staring at her with confusion and distrust, taking a step back.

"Alex," Kara starts. "Are you okay? Did you..." She turns back to Maggie. "Do you think she hit her head?"

Maggie is frowning at her, her forehead knitted in concentration. 

Alex grabs Kara by the shoulders. "You are Supergirl, aren't you?"

Kara peels out of her grasp and laughs. "What're you talking about?"

"You're the hero, Supergirl. You use your powers for good. You save  _lives_ ," Alex rushes out. "You fight rogue aliens and you - you've save the world twice!" 

Kara takes another step back, her arms crossed defensively over her chest. "I don't use my powers. Jeremiah told me not to and I never have." She barely glances back at Maggie when Alex looks at her. "Maggie knows. There's no Supergirl. Superman comes to town, sometimes, but that's it." She moves like she's going to step forward again but doesn't. "Alex, are you sure you're okay? Because you're not making much sense right now."

"I don't -" Alex pauses and starts to pace. "You're not Supergirl, you're -" She looks up suddenly. "My plane. It was crashing. You saved me."

Kara shakes her head slowly. "One of Max's inventions saved you. It landed the plane safely. That's how you met," she finishes slowly.

Alex looks up sharply at Maggie. "You," she starts. Maggie takes a quick step back. "You're - you're  _mine_ ," she breathes out.

A panic settles in her chest and seizes her heart, squeezing it tightly. She's lost too much lately - her father, nearly her life. She can't lose this too. It's just one world, one world in hundreds if she's going to believe Barry Allen, but she can't lose Kara and she can't lose Maggie. There can't be worlds where they don't have each other.

_There can't be_. 

Kara moves back even more, her hand reaching behind her for Maggie to grab. "Alex," she says quietly. "I'm going to get Max and we're going to send everyone home, okay? I think you need some rest. I think you might be tired or, or - did you have anything to drink today?"

Tears burn at the edges of Alex's eyes. "Kara, please."

But Kara is opening the door and slipping a hand out, easing Maggie back. Maggie is staring at Alex, her eyes still narrowed and confused. Distantly, she can hear Kara call for Max but she can't keep from staring at Maggie, willing her to believe. Kara pulls Maggie out of the room and shuts the door behind them, leaving Alex. 

The air crackles again and a small ball of light appears. It grows and stretches until its wide enough for Alex to step into. 

Alex closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and jumps. 

 

 

**world 41**

Her eyes take a minute to adjust to the darkness. When they do, she lets loose a sigh of relief. She knows this bed and its comforter. She knows this nightstand and this alarm clock. She rolls onto her side and inhales deeply. She knows that hip and that wild hair, stretched out across the cotton pillowcase. Alex leans in and presses her nose into Maggie's hair, breathing deeply. The ache in her chest dulls and fades. 

Maggie makes a noise and rolls over, blinking at Alex's closeness. "Hey," she rasps. "You're still here."

Alex grins. "Of course I am." She leans down and presses her lips to Maggie's. Her fingers drift to Maggie's chin, hooking and tilting her head back just a little so their mouths fit neatly against each other's. 

Maggie pulls back after a few moments and ducks her head when Alex tries to follow. "Hey, wait. As much as -" She laughs when Alex ignores her and kisses her. 

The ache in Alex's chest is a distant memory. 

A phone on Maggie's nightstand rings. Maggie groans and reaches under Alex, pulling it in close to check the caller ID. She curses under her breath and sits up, dislodging Alex. Alex falls back onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbow. 

"He-?" Maggie clears her throat and tries again. "Hello?"

Alex busies herself. She picks up her hand and rests it on Maggie's bare stomach. She uses her finger and traces a invisible line across to Maggie's belly button, up over her abdominal muscles, and right up the middle of her chest. She thumbs the side of Maggie's breast, then slides her whole hand up and over Maggie's chest, resting it right above her heart. 

"This morning?" Maggie asks. She looks down at Alex. "No, this morning is great. I just thought - its fine, its fine," she says into the phone. 

Alex replaces her hand with her mouth, peppering kisses along Maggie's collarbone. She can feel Maggie's heart beat under her lips. 

"Of course I'll come pick you up," Maggie says, her voice going soft. 

Alex freezes, her lips inching up Maggie's neck. 

Maggie leans away from Alex. "Yeah, babe. See you then."

Alex pulls back completely, sitting up against the pillows. She swallows hard, feeling a lump building in her throat. 

Maggie smiles sheepishly and puts the phone down. "I'm sorry," she says, tucking a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. It takes everything in Alex not to flinch. "I thought we had all night, but Emily's conference ended early."

"Emily," Alex repeats. She frowns. "Emily?"

Maggie throws the covers back and slides out of the bed, stopping to pick a shirt up off the floor. Even in the dim early morning light, Alex can see that Maggie picked up her Barenaked Ladies shirt and pulled it on over her head. Maggie sighs. 

"Alex, please don't."

Alex climbs out of bed after her, tugging on a shirt off the floor and following Maggie out into the kitchen. "Don't what?"

Maggie opens the refrigerator and pulls a carton of orange juice out, twisting off the lid. She takes a long sip from the bottle, wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, and passes the bottle to Alex. "Don't start with Emily again, okay?"

Alex takes a pull from the juice bottle and hands it back to Maggie. "Emily?" she asks again, trying to wrap her head around the idea. She remembers Emily; she met Emily. Emily is an  _ex_ -girlfriend. Emily broke Maggie's heart. 

"I like what we have," Maggie says, pulling Alex out of her head. "I like how it's easy. I like that it's just our thing." She reaches for Alex's hip, pressing her thumb against the bone. She leans in, resting her forehead against Alex's. "But I can't leave Emily," she whispers. 

Alex's chest swells again. "Leave Emily," she repeats. She grabs at Maggie's waist, holding her tight. "You're, you're still with Emily?"

Maggie sighs and leans away, reaching for the refrigerator. "Alex, please don't," she repeats. 

"But we're -"

Maggie slams the refrigerator door. "Alex," she warns. 

Alex can tell that Maggie is one more sentence shy of completely losing her temper. But Alex knows - knew, as soon as Maggie woke up - that she's not in  _her_  world and she doesn't care about walking on eggshells. 

"What are we?" Alex asks. She picks at a chip on the corner of the kitchen table. 

Maggie is quiet. When Alex looks up, Maggie is studying her, eyes roaming from Alex's feet to her head. "Alex," she starts quietly. 

Alex gets up and pushes towards Maggie, trapping her against the refrigerator. "Maggie," she counters. "What are we?"

"We're friends," Maggie whispers. Her eyes stray to Alex's lips. Her hands goes to Alex's waist.

Alex's hand lands on Maggie's bare thigh, squeezing softly. "We're not friends."

Maggie's eyes flutter. "We're friends who, who..."

Alex uses her other hand and tucks it under Maggie's chin, tipping her head black. "We're more than friends, Maggie."

Maggie's phone beeps and Alex steps back, startled by the loud beep. Maggie grabs for the phone but not before Alex sees Emily's name flash on the screen. Maggie texts back with one hand, her other still at Alex's waist. Alex barely waits until Maggie hits send; she takes the phone and puts it behind her, onto the kitchen table, and turns back to Maggie. 

"You can feel it..." She trails her hand up Maggie's side and rests it over her heart. "Here."

Maggie sags forward until her forehead is resting against Alex's. "Babe," she sighs. "Why do you keep doing this to me?"

Alex can only assume she means  _why do you keep bringing this up_? She pulls back a little and looks into Maggie's eyes, cataloging everything about her face. This looks so much like  _her_  Maggie; soft eyes and a soft smile and there's a history. This Maggie knows Alex's story, is still with Emily, and they found a way to each other anyway. 

It's imperfect. 

(It almost feels like enough.)

"Because you love me," Alex whispers back.

Maggie's head snaps back up. "Alex -"

"You don't have to say it back." She kisses Maggie's forehead. "I know."

Maggie is still stiff in Alex's arms but Alex kisses her anyway, until she feels the tension drain from Maggie's shoulders. She kisses Maggie's jaw and behind Maggie's ear and she holds her tightly, hoping this moment stretches across every world. 

Maggie's phone beeps again and she sighs, pulling out of Alex's grasp. Alex waves away the sorry she can see in Maggie's eyes and kisses Maggie instead. 

"I have to get dressed," Maggie whispers against her lips. She slides along the counter and then out of the kitchen, the touchtone of her phone making muted noises as she texts whoever ( _Emily_ ) back. 

The door of the refrigerator lights up. Alex turns around as the portal widens. She casts a look back at the bedroom and wishes she could follow Maggie in there, crawl under the covers, and sleep the rest of this world away.  Instead, she steps into the middle of the living room and lets herself be pulled away. 

 

 

**world 126**

She's falling. 

She doesn't know it until she is an inch off the floor - she can feel the pressure of it pushing against her shoulders before she actually makes impact - and then there she is, staring at the ceiling. 

A loud "oh!" echoes in her ears and then a pair of hands are at Alex's wrists, tugging her back up. The whole world is spinning around her but she stands anyway, closing her eyes against the swirling lights and the dizziness. The same hands are sliding to her shoulders, steadying her as she feels her body pitch to one side. A bar stool appears behind her and she feels her whole body pushes back onto it. 

"I got you," someone murmurs, their chest pressed against her shoulder, keeping her close to the bar top. 

"You good, Alex?" someone calls to her. She makes a quick hand gesture in the direction the voice came from and nods shakily. 

Alex opens her eyes after a minute. She focuses her breathing, counting and naming each bottle on display in alphabetical order until she gets to Wild Turkey and feels like she can look up without falling over again. 

"Thank you," she's says as she turns her head.

Maggie, dimpled-smile and sparkling eyes, shrugs. Maggie. 

Not her Maggie, she reminds herself. 

"No big deal," Maggie says. "I kind of knocked you off the barstool anyway."

Alex frowns, not remembering that. Maggie's smile fades into concern. 

"Wait, let me check and see if you're concussed." She's already hooking her finger under Alex's chin and sliding her phone open for the flashlight app before Alex can protest. 

She winces when the light shines in her eyes. Maggie shines it back and forth and Alex can just make out her frown behind the glare of the light. Maggie hums and clicks the app off, pocketing her phone. Alex sees the badge on her hip as her jacket flutters back. 

"You look good," she says, then flushes at her word choice. 

Alex smiles slowly. "So do you..."

"Sawyer." Maggie sticks out her hand. "Maggie Sawyer."

Alex takes her hand, holding it firmly. "Alex Danvers."

"Danvers," Maggie repeats, trying the word out. "Well, Danvers. I think I owe you a drink for ruining your evening." She glances at the stool next to Alex. "Unless you're waiting here for someone?"

Alex glances at the four empty Riedel glasses in front of her and gets the feeling she is never waiting for anyone. "Sit down," she offers. "Unless you're here with someone..."

Maggie hooks a thumb over her shoulder. "Just some guys from the station. Nobody who will miss me," she says as she sits down. She flags down the bartender and orders her own drink, motioning for another drink for Alex. 

"The station," Alex says. "You're a cop?"

"Detective," Maggie says, pride coloring her voice. "The Science Division."

Alex sits up a little straighter. "The Science Division."

"We handle all cases involving aliens and things that go bump in the night," Maggie says, not noticing the tension in Alex's voice.

"Aliens," Alex repeats. She takes a long drink from her glass. She sets it down a little too heavily. She thinks of Kara -  _where is she in this world? Is she in danger? Is she being hunted?_

Maggie turns on her stool, leaning her arm on the bar top so she's facing Alex. "Yep. Off-world aliens. Really high crime rate."

"Because they're dangerous," Alex says more than asks. She scans the bar and notices the group of guys Maggie had pointed to earlier. They're rowdy, maybe just a little drunk. She looks back at Maggie. "Is that why you're sitting with me? Because of... aliens?"

Maggie looks confused. She takes a sip of her beer. "First of all, they're not dangerous. They're actually more likely to be the victim in alien-human crime. And why would I be sitting with you because of that?" She gives Alex a crooked smile. "Unless you're doing a really good glamour. Or you're a Kryptonian."

Alex flushes at  _Kryptonian_. She finishes the rest of her "best-sipped" drink. "No, I'm not."

Maggie shrugs. "Superman isn't the only Kryptonian, I know that much. Though if you were one, you'd have put a hole through the floor." Maggie looks down. "You didn't."

Alex looks down too and looks back up to see Maggie smiling at her. "I didn't."

Someone slaps a hand down on Maggie's shoulder. She jumps and turns. Alex watches her hand jerk towards her belt, where her-Maggie wears her gun. 

"Stand down, Sawyer," the voice attached to the hand says. 

Alex and Maggie both look back. Maggie's shoulders barely relax. "Cooper."

Cooper leers at her and then turns his attention to Alex. He narrows his eyes, studying her. "Who's your friend?"

"Cooper, take a hike," Maggie says, her voice hard. There's a glint to her eyes, one Alex recognizes. It's the same look she gets when she's talking to a suspect that she knows did it, but they just can't prove it yet. It's the same look she gets when someone is pestering them while they're out, leaning over their pool table and trying to flirt with them. It's the same look she gets when she's about to  _off_  on someone. 

Cooper does the opposite. He leans onto his arm, hovering over Maggie, his eyes still on Alex. "You look familiar," he says. 

Maggie's shoulders tighten, coming up around her ears. "Cooper, take your drink and go.

Cooper ignores her. "Me and the guys were wondering what was so interesting, you ditched us." He flashes a toothless smile. "I volunteered to come see."

Maggie sighs. "You saw. Now go."

Cooper is still looking at Alex, his eyes narrowed in concentration. He snaps his fingers suddenly. "I know you! You're Valdez's regular Friday pickup."

Maggie's jaw drops a little and she starts to turn, her fist already clenched. "Are you shi-"

"Valdez!" Cooper is shouting over the din of the bar. "Come 'ere! It's your Friday chick!"

Alex feels her face flush. She's not sure what "Friday chick" means but she can guess; from the leer on Cooper's face to the smirk on the face of the cop coming over.

"Danvers!" Valdez shouts, grabbing her shoulder and squeezing. "Well what do you know."

Cooper is grinning widely, taking a long sip from Maggie's beer. "See, Valdez. I told you she looked familiar."

Valdez laughs. "Well how I was supposed to know. I've never seen Drunky Danvers on a barstool, or relatively sober. She's usually on the floor by the time I get called to come get her."

Alex flushes. She can feel the heat radiating from her cheeks and she feels her throat tighten. She can't look at Maggie or Cooper or Valdez. She focuses on the large neon bar clock across the room and prays for the floor to open and a portal to swallow her whole. 

"Maybe I can save them the call and just drive you to the drunk tank now," Valdez continues, his hand still hot and heavy on her shoulder. "I'm off duty, but I can make an exception for you, Danvers. I mean," he laughs. "You're the only regular date I've had in years!"

Alex squeezes her eyes tight as Valdez squeezes her shoulder. She's about to break the hold, shame and embarrassment grabbing her heart and clenching it tightly, when she hears a soft thud and the hand on her shoulder is gone. She opens her eyes as something else hits the floor, harder this time. 

Maggie is waving her hand, fanning her fingers out. "Damn," she hisses. 

Valdez groans on the floor, his hands covering the right side of his face. Cooper is motionless, laying on his back. 

Alex looks up at Maggie, her eyes wide. Maggie flexes her fist one more time and shrugs while Valdez moans and rolls around. Maggie takes her beer and wipes the mouth off on her shirt before swallowing half the bottle. 

"You..."

"Are gonna hear about this come Monday," Maggie finishes. She steps over Valdez. Her hand curls around Alex's elbow. "Are you okay?" She starts to lead Alex around the men on the floor. Alex knows that soft look in her eyes; knows it's Maggie's witness statement look. 

Alex looks back over her shoulder before she focuses in on Maggie. "I'm - I'm fine. Are you okay?"

Maggie shrugs and gives Alex a crooked smile. "They're jerks."

A sudden blast of the wind nearly blows her over as they step outside. She shivers against the cold. 

"And you're cold," Maggie continues. She slides her jacket off and over Alex's shoulder. 

When she breathes in, it's a reflex. The jacket smells like her Maggie. It's warm and soft, the leather worn in all the right places. Alex remembers wearing this jacket one night when they rushed out the door to follow a Cadmus lead, pulling on jackets in the dead of night. She had ended up with Maggie's jacket and two different shoes. And everything in this world is different but Maggie is smiling at her and the rest of it just fades away. 

"Alex?"

Alex turns. Kara is there, leaning against a car, twirling keys on her fingers. She pushes off the car, frowning at Maggie, and stands close to Alex. Her hands go to her hips; her protective stance. 

Maggie stares back at Kara, her eyes narrowed slightly. "Do I know you?"

Kara shrugs, going for casual and unsuccessful. "Probably not. Do you know my sister?"

Alex feels a surge of affection for both of them. It swells in her chest and warms her from the inside out. "Guys," she says lightly. "I'm right here."

Maggie turns, defenses lowered. "Right. Sorry. Listen, I hope those guys didn't ruin your night. Even though I kind of ruined it when I knocked you over."

Kara's eyes go wide. "What?"

Alex ignores Kara. She picks up Maggie's hand. "You did me a favor. Meeting you was the best part of the night." She smiles widely. "Though, maybe that's not saying much since most of my night was pretty crappy."

"Low standards are my specialty," Maggie jokes. 

Alex's smile softens. "No they're not." 

Kara clears her throat noisily. Alex rolls her eyes and Maggie hides her smirk. 

"Listen," Maggie starts. "Maybe I take you out next Friday. Make up for a less than stellar start?" Her hands fidget at Alex's wrists, brushing the edge of her jacket. "I don't know if you have plans on Friday..."

"She doesn't," Kara says excitedly. Alex can hear her squeal. "You can pick her up at 8."

"Still right here," Alex murmurs. 

Maggie grins widely. She slides a folded piece of paper into Alex's palm. "It's a date." She backs up towards the bar slowly, sliding her hands into her pockets. 

Alex starts towards her. "Wait, your jacket."

Maggie shrugs, her smile still wide. "Keep it. Until Friday. Leather looks good on you."

Alex watches her slide through the door and back into the bar. She opens the piece of paper in her hand and traces the number she knows by heart. Kara clears her throat again and Alex turns with a sigh. She laughs when she sees Kara bouncing up and down lightly on her toes, tapping her fingers together excitedly. 

"You have a date," she squeals. She grabs Alex by the hand; her next jump is a little too forceful and she feels nauseous when she realizes she's not standing on solid ground. Kara tugs them back down quickly, scanning the street for anyone watching. But it's too early for the bars to empty and too cold for people to be out walking. Kara smiles sheepishly and tugs Alex towards their car, ushering her into the passenger seat. "I'm just excited," she explains. 

"I can tell," Alex says flatly. She smiles still. 

"This is really big!" Kara continues. "Your first date since, what? Med-" Kara cuts off quickly. "Since forever," she says instead. "And you're sober!" She winces and drops her head to the steering wheel. "I didn't mean -"

Alex drops her hand to Kara's thigh and squeezes gently. "If you had any kind of tact, you wouldn't be my sister."

"Still sorry," Kara whispers, looking up slowly. 

"I've probably made a lot of mistakes," Alex starts.

Kara shakes her head quickly. "Alex, you don't have to -"

Alex squeezes Kara's leg again, quieting her. "I know I have," she says. She can see it in the way Kara was sitting outside of the bar; like she's spent long nights there waiting for Alex to stumble out and try to stumble home. She can hear it in the way those two cops talked about her; how they were so familiar with a part of herself she didn't even know. 

This Alex Danvers never had anyone pick her up out of a holding cell, dust her off, and set her straight. 

Maybe it's not too late. 

She opens her mouth to keep apologizing, to list all the things she's sure she's done or will do, when something flashes in the middle of the road. She sighs. Kara jerks the wheel and then whole car swerves, spinning. The car comes to a skidding stop and Kara tumbles out of the car, eyes wide as she takes in the portal in the middle of the road. 

"Are you seeing this?" 

Alex sighs again and gets out of the car, pulling Maggie's jacket off. She drapes it over the hood of the car. 

"Alex, do you see this?"

"When Alex comes back," Alex starts, ignoring Kara's confusing look. "When Alex comes back, tell her what you were going to tell me."

Kara frowns. "What're you talking about?"

"Talk to her," Alex repeats. She can feel the energy of the portal snapping at her bare arms. "Tell her."

"Alex," Kara says. "What're you doing?"

Alex gives Kara and small smile, a wave, and closes her eyes. 

The portal cracks around her. 

 

 

**world 29**

Alex is back at the DEO. 

For a moment, she thinks she's done it; gotten back to the world she lives in. But as she stares at the ceiling, she realizes she's not in the same place, even if she is in the DEO. She slipped in the lab hallway and this is... She stands slowly and looks around. She's in the basement; she's looking at a cell. 

A loud bang pulls her head to the left. Kara stands behind a thick layer of glass, looking almost bored. "You fell," she says, her words sounding so far away. 

Alex rubs absently at the back of her neck. "What- what're you doing in there?"

Kara stares blankly at her. "Really."

"I -" Alex turns and checks the corners for cameras, spotting one blinking back at her. "Kara, where are we?"

Kara continues to stare at her. "The DEO."

"No, I know," Alex starts. She takes a deep breath and tries again. "You're a prisoner."

Kara shrugs. "That's what they call me."

"How long?" Alex asks. She starts scanning the hallway, looking for an entry and an exit.

Kara's face flinches slightly, almost concerned. "You really fell. Are you okay?"

"Indulge me," Alex says, running her hands along the edge of the windowsill. "Please?" she asks when Kara hesitates. 

Kara sits on the bench in the corner of the cell and taps her fingers against the concrete. She shrugs. "I lost track of the time before you got here," she says. 

"Today?" Alex checks under the window edge; nothing. 

"No. Months ago. Before that it was... half a year?" Kara stares out the window past Alex. "They came for me after I landed that plane. Well, not right after that. They came after me when that cop didn't survive a hostage situation I tried to break up. Sawyer. Maggie Sawyer. I tried to save her and I didn't." 

Alex's throat closes. "Maggie's... Maggie's dead?" Her head spins a little. "But -"

Kara rolls her eyes. "You already lectured me on how I can hurt people. How I did hurt people."

Alex reaches out and presses her palm against the glass, trying to hold herself up. Maggie is gone. Maggie is  _dead_. Maggie isn't hers or even Emily's or  _anyone's_. 

Alex wasn't prepared for a world without Maggie breathing. 

Kara laughs bitterly. "You told me not to use them, my powers. And you told me they would find me. You're always right, aren't you?"

Alex pauses and looks up. Kara looks older, behind that glass. She looks harder, angrier. Without her glasses, her hair loose behind her in the air conditioned cell, she looks like Supergirl; but this world is punishing her for it. 

_Alex_  is punishing her for it. 

And Maggie  _gone_. 

"And I've been here ever since," Kara continues. "Waiting in this room for whatever is going to happen."

Alex looks around and notices all the other windows to all the other cells are dark and quiet. 

"There used to be at least ten of us. I think I'm the only one left now. Someone comes down and gets them and they leave and never come back." Kara's eyes stray over Alex's shoulder, lingering on the window leading into the cell behind her. "M'gann was there. That was her name. She was a Martian." Her voice is monotone, far away. "They took her last week. Sometimes I think I hear her screaming..." Kara shakes her head and her eyes clear. "It's only a matter of time until they come for me." She looks up at Alex. "Is that why you're here?"

Alex feels her stomach roll over. Kara looks older but Alex is suddenly picturing her own college graduation, standing on the stage and scanning the crowd for Kara. She remembers catching Kara's eye, seeing her wide smile half a football field away. She remembers how Kara had hugged her tightly -  _not too tightly_ , she had teased - and looked at her like Alex was the best person in whole world. 

Kara looks at her now like Alex is the enemy. 

Maggie is gone. 

She's not going to lose Kara too. 

"I'm going to get you out of here," Alex says, her mind made up. She fingers her gun on her hip. She taps the window. It's not her world but she'd be willing to bet the DEO hasn't changed that much. A bullet won't do much except alert every agent in the building of her plan. She chews on her bottom lip. 

Kara scoffs. "Sure you are. Good luck." She lays back on the concrete bench, her hands pillowed under her head. 

"I will," she promises. "I'll be back. I promise you."

Kara says nothing; she doesn't look at Alex. 

Alex slams her hand against the glass. Kara barely moves. "I promise," Alex says through clenched teeth. 

Kara doesn't acknowledge her. Alex swallows down her fear and squares her shoulders, her feet moving through the DEO hallways by muscle memory alone. She's scanning the halls, cataloging faces and exits. She sees some she recognize and most she doesn't. The elevator goes up to the top floor and she exits into command central, large screens flashing and blinking. 

"Danvers," someone says behind her. 

She turns and sighs in relief. "Vasquez. Thank god. I need your help."

"And I need yours," Vasquez says. "The Martian isn't giving us anything. Director Henshaw wants you to sit in."

"Hank?"

Vasquez gives her a tight smile. "Do you have time to sit in?"

Alex looks back over her shoulder. "I... I don't. I'm closing in on a lead and I need a little more time." She scans command central and notices the arsenal is exactly where she thought it would be. A blaster from there and some tools from the lab and she can get Kara out. She looks back to see Vasquez giving her a strange look. "But let me finish what I'm doing and I'll come by."

She doesn't wait for Vasquez's answer. She uses the pass at her belt and gets into the arsenal, signing out a heavy-duty blaster that she clips into her thigh holster. She ignores Vasquez's stare as she leaves, heading back to the labs. She finds her own easily enough; her name on the door and the stacks and stacks of research piled up by the computer. In every world, she's a mess. It's reassuring. 

She finds the tools she's looking for: a small wet saw and a small chisel. She pockets them both and slips across the lab to her desk, restacking papers spread out around the surface. She's shuffling them when something catches her eye and she stops to read the page more carefully. 

_Cadmus_ , she reads. Her stomach drops.  _Project Cadmus progress update_ , the page says. She reads slowly, trying to take it all in.  _Subject D (Daxamite) is unresponsive to treatments at this time_ , it states.  _Further tests will prove more conclusive_. There's a large 'Director Henshaw' signature stamp at the bottom of the page. She keeps reading, sees the word  _Martian_  and she knows; all of those aliens Kara mentioned are being used by Cadmus. The DEO is working with Cadmus. 

She tucks the memo under a larger stack of papers and takes a deep, steadying breath. Her brain tries to justify it but she thinks of Kara trapped in a cell and all justification fades. Through the glass walls of the lab she can see Vasquez still eyeing her. She knows she's either about to be found out or Vasquez already has a read on her and Alex knows she has limited time. She makes a show of tidying up a little more, turning off her desk lamp, and when Vasquez isn't looking, she slips out the side door and slinks down the hall, using the shadows as cover. 

"You're back," Kara says, surprise in her voice. 

Alex unholsters the blaster. "Stand back," she says, aiming for a spot in the corner. She  fires three times, wincing at the sound. It's sure to attract attention. She figures her limited time just became nonexistent. 

The window splinters. Glass shards sprinkle the hall and Kara's cell. Alex fires twice more and a crack shoots down the glass, the whole thing nearly falling out of the frame. Kara stands in the cell, mouth wide and hanging open. 

"You just -"

Alex gestures frantically. "No time. Lets go."

Kara steps out of the cell gingerly but comes to a stop, eyeing Alex. "Why're you helping me? I'm an alien."

The last whole piece of her heart shatters in her chest. She grabs Kara by the shoulders and shakes her. She squeezes tightly and tries to make Kara understand. "You're my sister," she says, her throat and eyes burning. "I love you. And I am always gonna protect you."

Kara shakes her head. "You left me."

"I am  _never_  leaving you again," she promises, even though she knows it's a promise she can't keep. This isn't her world; she won't stay long. But it's a promise she can keep right now, in this moment. "I have done a lot of shitty things in this lifetime, but I am going to change that." She holds out her hand. "Trust me. You have no reason to, but I promise you things will be different."

Kara stares at her hand for a long moment before slowly reaching for it, their fingers lacing together tightly. "Okay," she breathes out. 

Alex barely waits a second longer. She tugs hard and pulls Kara down the hall back towards the labs. She can hear the alarms now, going off above her. She keeps a tight grip on Kara and keeps pulling, past every empty cell and down towards where she thinks transport is located. Kara trips over her own feet and it throws Alex a little. They hit the wall together and Alex slides down it, pulling Kara under her arm as someone opens fire on them from the other end of the hall. 

"You know I'm bulletproof," Kara mutters. 

Alex watches as a shot ricochets off the wall five feet away. It sparks green. "Kryptonite," she fires back. She turns and aims her blaster, firing in rapid succession. "Come on."

Kara hurries after her, weaving through the halls of the DEO, a maze if you're not familiar with them. Alex ducks behind an open boiler room door, checking her weapon and catching her breath. Kara sags against the wall next to her. Alex looks at her and when Kara nods, Alex takes off again, diving into the hall and sprinting forward. They get down the hall and turn the corner, shots echoing behind them. 

"There!" Alex shouts.  _A_   _window_. She turns to Kara. "Can you fly still?"

Kara flexes her hands, curling them into fists. "I don't know how strong my powers are. Or accurate. I'm so out of practice."

Alex turns and there, a portal. It's forming slowly, right behind the DEO agents chasing them. She looks back at Kara and takes her in, inhales this version of her so she can promise herself to never let it happen again. She holds Kara steady, hands on each shoulder. 

"Alex," Kara starts. 

Alex shakes her head. "There's no time. You're gonna go out of the window and you're going to fly hard and fast." She goes through a checklist in her mind. "You're going to find Winn Schott. I don't know where he is but you need to find him and then find me, okay?" She pushes Kara away from her. 

Kara stumbles. "Alex -"

Alex shakes her head again, moving backwards. "I love you, Kara."

Kara stares at her for a moment. "I love you too, Alex." Kara turns, crouches low, and pushes upward. Her flight isn't smooth - jerky, at best - but she heads towards the window and bursts through it in a shower of glass. 

Alex turns to face the DEO agents. She takes a deep breath and launches forward, sliding under a hail fire of bullets and blasts. She rises to her knees, moving unsteadily, and dives headfirst into the portal. 

 

 

**world 7**

Alex wakes up and her lungs are screaming. 

Alex wakes up and the darkness is so heavy, so suffocating, she can feel its weight. 

Alex wakes up in a world where she knows she's dead and she opens her mouth to scream but no sound comes out; only water comes rushing in. 

Alex wakes up and counts to 2,483 before the bright light swallows her whole again. 

 

 

**world 85**

Alex wakes slowly and gasps for clean air. 

It fills her lungs and she exhales slowly, savoring the moment. She breathes in again and makes a face as she tastes stale air on her tongue; stale air and... she frowns. Stale beer. It tastes like stale beer. A pounding at the door makes her frown but then there's a pounding in her head and she has to steady herself against the couch as a wave of pain passes over her. 

"I can see you." Kara's voice seeps in from under the door. "Alex, please."

Alex wearily gets to her feet and staggers to the door, unable to get her feet to move the way she wants them to. She makes it to the door and leans against it heavily. She takes a deep breath and tugs it open, it taking more strength than she knows it should. 

Kara is smiling sadly at her on the other side of the door. "Hey," she says quietly. She looks over Alex's shoulder. "Can I come in?"

"When have you ever asked?" Alex mutters. She lets Kara brush by her and Alex's head spins as she brings in fresh air with her. 

Kara idly picks up the apartment while Alex rummages through an oddly bare cabinet. She looks at sink; all her dishes are stacked in it. She leans towards it, sniffs, and recoils. She grabs the whole coffee pot and takes it to the table, pouring into a scotch glass that's not quite empty. Kara is picking up empty bottles and dropping them into a plastic bag, tying it off. She barely looks at Alex but she wrinkles her nose when Alex takes long gulp of old coffee, wincing as she swallows the scotch too. 

"J'nonn said you weren't at work today," Kara says. "Or yesterday."

Alex squints at the calendar on the fridge. "It's May 20th?"

Kara stares at her for a moment. "Yeah," she says slowly. 

Alex frowns. She knows that time moves different in other worlds, on other planets. But she left her world in early May and she can't believe she's spent nearly two weeks world-jumping; it feels like it's been twenty minutes. 

"I thought it was..." She trails off. "Never mind."

Kara sighs. She opens the refrigerator and scans it quickly, closing it. "You have no good."

Alex looks at an empty container on the counter. "I ordered out."

"We miss you at the DEO, Alex." Kara's voice goes quiet. "I miss you."

Alex busies herself with throwing away the empty container and scans the rest of the apartment, looking for clues as to  _when_  she is. Every picture frame is turned down, stands sticking up into the air. She frowns, goes to ask Kara, and thinks better of it. 

Kara clears her throat. "I know you don't want to talk about it, Alex, but this isn't healthy." She lifts a hand as if she's going to stop Alex from interrupting, but Alex doesn't try. "You won't tell me what happened, and that's okay, but..." Kara hesitates. "Alex, she's just a girl. You're so smart and so funny and you're so, so beautiful that any girl would be so lucky to be with you."

Alex tilts her head in confusion and studies Kara for a moment, trying to put all of the pieces in order. "You mean... Maggie?"

Kara takes her question as a step forward and brightens up, bouncing on her toes. "Yes! She's nice and good at her job but if she was stupid enough to let you go, then -"

"She what?" Alex asks, standing quickly. She knocks over her glass. Kara catches it before it hits the floor. Alex doesn't pay attention to it. "She... she left me?"

Kara frowns. "Alex, maybe I should call Eliza."

Alex shakes her head. "No. I'm... I'm fine." She reaches across the counter, not quite close enough to Kara. "What do you mean she left me?"

Kara's frown deepens. Her eyes are bright with pity. "Alex, I don't know. You won't tell me. You just keep skipping work and drinking and ignoring me. You haven't let me in the door for  _weeks_ ," she says, closing the distance and grabbing Alex's hand. She squeezes it. 

Alex tries to go back in her memory and she can't, finding it foggy and clouded over. 

"I just know that after Mon-El and I came back from Maaldoria, you and Maggie had broken up. And after that, you stopped coming into work," Kara explains. 

Alex remembers now: how Kara was kidnapped; her big speech about how the world is out to get her; telling Maggie she didn't think they were going to work after all. 

But she also remembers calling Maggie and asking -  _begging_  - her to come over, so she could explain. 

And Maggie had. In her own world. (In the right world.)

But in this world, Maggie hadn't come over. Alex hadn't explained. Maggie hadn't revealed that she knew who Supergirl was. Maggie hadn't taken her back. 

Maggie hadn't taken her back. 

Kara squeezes Alex's hand again. "Alex?"

Alex startles. "Kara, I'm not from this world," she says.

Kara doesn't react. 

"I mean, there is an Alex Danvers in this world. But I'm not... I look like her but I'm not her. I'm from another world." She expects Kara to laugh or call her crazy but Kara just looks at her expectantly, waiting for more. "I was on my home. To Maggie. And to you. And I slipped and fell and I've been,  _God_ ," she scoffs. "I've been tripping into other worlds. And they've been  _terrible,_ Kara _._ I'm always so lost. Either you're so far away or Maggie is gone or I've done something terrible and I'm alone and I can't ever-"

Kara grabs her and pulls her into a hug that crushes her and makes her feel safe all at once. "Alex," Kara breathes into her ear. 

The tears come quickly, hot and wet. Alex doesn't try to stop them, her fingers digging into Kara's back. She holds on to the only solid thing she's felt in all of these worlds. Kara hugs her back just as tightly, holding back slightly so she doesn't break Alex's ribs. They stand in the middle of Alex's apartment, swaying side to side as Alex's strength fades slowly. Kara lowers them to the floor carefully, still holding on. 

After a few minutes, Alex sniffles and pulls back, wiping her nose on the back of her hand. She laughs in embarrassment and stands up, heading for the couch.

"So tell me about your world," Kara says, settling down next to Alex. 

Alex tells her. She tells her about Mon-El and M'gann and Maggie. She tells Kara that Maggie and her work it out; that Maggie knows her secret; that Maggie has secrets of her own. She tells Kara about finding their father, about finding out the truth. She glosses over the part when Alex had to do it on her own - with Maggie, but without Kara. She doesn't linger there, a part of her still grappling with the letdown. Alex tells Kara about Rick. Alex tells her about being alone in that box, waiting for Kara and Maggie to come save her. She tells Kara what it felt like when she realized they might not get to her in time; how she wished she had told Maggie so many things so much earlier; how she wished she had told Kara she was sorry. 

"Sorry?" Kara interrupts. She wipes at her eyes. 

Alex looks at Kara for a long moment. She stares so long that Kara shifts, uncomfortable, breaking Alex's spell. "I haven't been the best sister," she admits. 

"Alex -"

Alex shakes her head. "No, I haven't. I nearly missed your Earth birthday. I skip sister night all the time. I'm... I'm not good at splitting my attention and -"

Kara's hand covers her own. She looks up and meets Kara's eyes. "You know," Kara starts. "I used to think you were perfect."

Alex snorts. 

"Really!" Kara argues. "I did. But it took me a long time - and this helped, talking about your world - but it took me a long time to realize you're not perfect, Alex. In fact, you're a disaster."

Alex laughs this time, her eyes burning with tears. 

"But you're my perfect disaster. I know that's cheesy! But you are. And while we're going to have a serious conversation about you never missing my Earth birthday again, I understand."

Alex wipes furiously at her eyes. "You do?"

"It sounds like I'm not too good at splitting my time either. I get so wrapped up in the world spinning around me, I forget other people have other things in their life." Kara climbs closer on the couch, pulling Alex into her arms. "It doesn't sound like you abandoned me, Alex," she whispers. "You just put something ahead of me, for once. And I'm proud of you."

Alex sobs, dropping her head into Kara's shoulder, clutching at her arm. She stays like that until her back muscles cramp from being strained and then she sits up, wiping clumsily at her face. Kara laughs through her own tears, using the ends of her sleeves to clear Alex's face gently. 

"I'm not sure how to balance everything," she admits. "You and the DEO and Maggie. And in this world, I did even worse than I thought I was doing in my own."

Kara sits up. "So let's fix it."

Alex sits up too. "What?" 

"We'll go into the DEO, Hank will understand. You can apologize and he might have to take 'disciplinary action' but you're totally his favorite. And then we go to Maggie. And we tell her what really happened and how my existence has been eclipsing you're entire life." She winks. "But we tell her the truth. And you win her back."

Alex shakes her head. "It won't work."

Kara jumps to her feet. "Yes it will! Because we're going to do it together." Kara grabs her by the hand and pulls her off the couch. "And the Danvers sisters? They're unstoppable."

Alex laughs and lets Kara pull her into a hug. "Okay, okay," she agrees. "We'll do it."

"Yay!" Kara jumps up and down. She holds Alex an arm's length away. "But maybe we start with a shower?"

Alex crinkles her nose. "God, yes." She pulls at her sweatshirt and nearly gags. "Maybe we should just burn these clothes."

Kara laughs. "Yes. Yes we should."

Alex opens her mouth to say something else when a hot crackle cuts through her apartment. Kara jumps back, caught off guard, pushing Alex behind her. When she realizes what she's looking at, she turns to Alex with wide eyes. 

"No," she says. 

Alex nods. "Yes. I have to get back to my world."

"But I just got you back," Kara whispers. 

"And when the Alex from this world, your Alex, comes back, tell her." Alex laces her hand with Kara's. "Tell her everything. Tell her what I told you. We're the Danvers sisters," she repeats. "We're unstoppable." She backs up slowly, letting her hand slide out of Kara's. "And I'll make sure I talk to my Kara. Okay?"

Kara sniffles and nods. "Okay."

Alex doesn't wait too long. She smiles softly at Kara, turns, and steps into the portal. 

 

 

**world 298**

The first thing Alex sees is Maggie. 

"Oh, thank God," she breathes out. She grabs Maggie and pulls her in, burying her face in Maggie's neck, breathing her in. "It's been too many worlds without you," she murmurs. 

Maggie laughs a little and pulls back. "I just went to pay the delivery guy, babe."

Alex lets Maggie shift but not too far. "Still."

Maggie laughs again and breaks free of Alex’s hold, rooting through the drawers for forks and knives. She hands Alex a set of silverware and grabs the brown paper bag and carries it to the couch. Alex stares at the couch, her mind racing. She sees Kara there, hugging her, making her feel safe for the first time in a long time. She smiles and flops onto the couch with a small laugh.

Maggie pauses in the middle of unpacking the takeout containers. She tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes. “What happened while I answered the door?”

Alex sighs heavily. “A lifetime.”

Maggie stares at her for a moment longer before seeming to accept that answer. “Okay,” she says slowly. She hands Alex the sesame chicken and rice. She grins widely when Alex steals a kiss before sitting back down. 

“Oh, hey,” Alex starts. “I know you probably wanted to have a quiet night in, but would you be okay with me calling Kara and asking her to come over? I’ll make her bring her own food this time, I promise.”

Maggie’s smile dims. She stares at Alex quietly for a moment before Alex catches on.

“What?” she asks. “What happened?”

Her mind races with a thousand possibilities. Maggie is dead in other worlds; Kara could be dead in this one. She thinks about every fight Kara had that could have gone the other way. The Black Mercy could have taken her. Kara could have been captured by Cadmus. Kara could be still stuck on Maaldoria. She could be a Myriad agent. She could have never fallen from the sky.

“Babe,” Maggie starts slowly. “You haven’t talked to her in, uh, a year?”

“What?”

Of all the possibilities - of Kara dead, Kara lost in space, Kara a government weapon - this was never one of them.

“What?” Alex asks again.

Maggie pushes a strand of Alex’s hair behind her ear, cupping her jaw. “Alex, are you feeling okay?”

Alex leans into Maggie’s touch without thinking about it. Her eyes flutter closed. “I’m fine,” she says, her voice hoarse. “How come I can never have both of you?”

Maggie urges Alex to look up. “What?”

“In every world I’ve been in, it’s never both of you. It’s like… It’s like the universe is telling me that I can never have both of you,” Alex continues. She buries her head in her hands. “First I’m marrying Max Lord and Kara doesn’t invite me to game night. Then you’re still with Emily and I’m your… your  _secret_.” She ignores Maggie opening her mouth to say something and keeps going, unable to stop the words now that she’s started. “And then I was a drunk and a mess and you were so nice to me, but you didn’t know me. You asked me out, but you weren’t… You weren’t  _mine_ , yet. Then Kara was in jail. In the DEO! And I let them put her there. And you were dead. You were gone before I even got a chance to…” She takes a deep breath that she can’t really push through her lungs. “And then I woke up underwater.” She shudders. “And then -“ She turns to Maggie and grabs her by the hands, pulling her close. “Then I had nothing. I didn’t have you and I was getting Kara back but the portal opened again and I just can’t back to where I belong,” she finishes in a rush.

Maggie breathes in slowly, squeezing Alex’s hands gently as she breathes out. “Slow down. Try and explain this to me.”

“Kara left because of you,” Alex guesses. “Because she didn’t want to be in the way of my happiness.”

Maggie doesn’t say anything; it’s enough of an answer. 

“And I can’t help but wonder, in my world, if the only reason I have both of you is because I’m not letting myself really have either of you.” Alex stands abruptly, the Chinese containers in her lap falling onto the floor. Rice spills. She ignores it and finds the bottle of scotch she knows is hidden behind a vase in the kitchen.

_Same old Alex_ , she thinks. 

Maggie is two steps behind her, pulling the bottle back out of her hands gently. “I thought we were done with this,” she says, quietly. Her voice has an edge to it.

Alex laughs bitterly. “You know the only thing that has been consistent in all of these lifetimes is that I drink too much?”

Maggie sets the bottle down in the sink and leans back against the counter. “Alex.”

Alex sits at the counter. “I’m time-jumping.”

Maggie narrows her eyes. “And that means…” she prompts.

“I fell through a portal. Winn, he’s been playing with them. I thought he said something about losing one in the halls at the DEO but I didn’t think much of it,” she says. “And then I fell through it. And I’ve just been falling every since. Every time a portal opens and I go through it, I end up in another world.”

“And in some of those worlds, I’m dead,” Maggie finishes.

“Or Kara is gone. Or you won’t leave Emily, even though you love me,” Alex adds. 

Maggie wrinkles her nose. “I’m with Emily?” She nods when Alex shoots her a look. “You’re right. Not important. Though, I should point out, I am not in love with her. I’m in love with you.”

It makes Alex feel a little bit better. She rubs at the back of her neck. 

“So you’re not… you’re not  _my_  Alex,” Maggie asks.

Alex shakes her head. “No.” She picks at a loose string on her sweater. “A year?” she asks.

Maggie takes a second to follow the question but she nods. “After Malvern, she pulled away.” Maggie takes her hand and settles her fingers. “She said it was because she didn’t want you to be a target anymore. She wanted you to live your life.”

Alex sighs. Maggie comes closer, wrapping her in a hug. Alex lets herself be held and gives into the hot, burning sensation pushing at her eyes. She tired - so tired of knowing there are lives where she can’t have everything she wants; everything she’s  _earned_. 

“I want her here,” Alex admits, her voice cracking. She looks around the apartment. There are pictures of Alex and Maggie everywhere, littering every surface. Pictures of the beach and the carnival and Maggie sitting on the front steps of Alex’s house in Midvale. There are pictures of them at the aquarium and the FBI Museum in DC. 

But Kara isn’t in any of them. 

“I looks so happy here,” she says. “I look so happy and she’s missing from it.”

Maggie hugs her tighter. 

There’s a bang and a small sparkle of light in the living room grows wider. Maggie’s eyes widen as it grows, purple light blinding them slightly. 

“I want her here,” Alex repeats. “Please, make sure I remember that.”

Maggie’s mouth hangs open, staring between Alex and the portal. “But you can’t just… Where are you going?”

“Home, I hope,” Alex says to herself. “I’m sure we have a wonderful life. I’m sure it’s amazing. And -“

“I miss her too,” Maggie says quickly, cutting Alex off. “I miss her too.”

“Get her back,” Alex says firmly. She steps closer to the portal. She can feel the electricity pulling her in. 

“I promise,” Maggie says, her eyes on the portal. She looks at Alex. 

“I love you.” Alex shrugs one shoulder, eyes still wet with tears. “In case I don’t get to say that to you wherever I end up.”

Maggie reaches for her but lets her hand drop before she gets to Alex. “I love you too.”

Alex takes a deep breath and smiles softly, then steps backwards and lets herself fall.

 

 

**world 87**

It’s too dark. Not as dark as being underwater, but dark enough. it takes Alex’s eyes a moment to adjust. She looks down and takes in her BDUs, slightly different than her DEO-issued set. The gun strapped to her thigh isn’t DEO. The gun strapped to her ribs isn’t either.

“There you are. Where did you disappear to?” someone asks behind her.

She turns and her whole world turns upside down.

Her dad grins widely at her from the door of the empty lab she’s standing in. “Hey, kiddo. Anyone alive in there?”

Alex’s mouth opens and closes but no sound comes out. Her dad stands there, straight and tall and his face clear of any lines. He looks exactly like she remembers him fifteen years ago. 

“ _Dad_ ,” she finally says.

His smile tilts into a soft frown. “You okay?”

She nods wordlessly. 

He studies her for a moment longer before nodding back at her. He flips the light switch on and she winces at the sudden brightness. When her eyes stop spotting, she looks around the state of the art lab and exhales.

“Never gets old, does it?” he asks, grinning again. He claps a big, warm hand down on her shoulder and squeezes.

Alex melts into the touch. She smiles widely back up at him and nods. The lab is gorgeous. Everything is spotless, gleaming under the hue of the lights. She runs a finger over the nearest table and taps a nail against an Erlenmeyer flask, listening to the glass ring. “It’s…”

“Breathtaking,” Jeremiah finishes. “You’re such a scientist,” he says proudly. “A girl after my own heart.”

Alex wants to ask a thousand questions. She wants to know how and why and when and where but she doesn’t ask. She doesn’t want to ruin this good moment she’s got; the knowledge that in some world, somewhere, she’s back with her father and the world is right side up. 

“Jeremiah,” a smooth voice says from the doorway. 

The world is upside down and she isn’t underwater but she’s  _drowning_  all the same. 

“Lillian,” her dad says, that broad smile back on his face. 

Alex turns slowly. Lillian Luthor stands in the doorway, her own smile stretched painfully across her face. She looks at Alex with the same smile and all Alex can do is nod back. “Agent Danvers,” Lillian says. “How are those calculations coming?”

Alex freezes for a moment. “I, uh, need some more time.”

Lillian clicks her tongue, turning her attention back to Jeremiah. “You said she could deliver, Jeremiah.”

Her dad claps her on the shoulder again, but his hand is too heavy and he squeezes too hard this time. “And she can, Lillian. She’s my daughter. She’ll have the numbers when they’re ready.”

Lillian nods, narrowing her eyes at Alex quickly before leaving the lab. Alex opens her mouth and turns to her dad but he’s already grabbing her by the shoulders and holding her steady in front of him. 

“Listen,” he says, his mouth set and his eyes dark. “When you joined us, I had to do a lot of work to convince Lillian that you weren’t a double agent. Cadmus is everything I’ve worked for, Alex. Don’t let me down, okay?” His grip loosens just a little and the hard look on his face fades. He gives her a wide smile. “You’re my best girl, right?”

“Wrong,” someone else says. 

Alex is tired of spinning in circles and seeing the world fall out from under her each time she turns.

“Kara,” she breathes out.

Kara stands tall, her hands on her hips and her cape billowing out behind her as the air settles around her. She barely spares Alex a glance.

“Oh, Kara,” her dad says. He’s shaking his head slowly. “How many times do we need to have this talk?” He starts walking in a circle, passing behind Alex.

Kara matches his walk, moving in front of Alex. “As many times as it takes for you to understand that Alex is not your puppet.”

Jeremiah spreads his arms. “She’s free to go whenever she wants,” he challenges. He doesn’t look at her either.

“Give up, Jeremiah,” Kara offers. “Give up and you can spend the rest of your life in the DEO, alive.”

“Give myself up,” her dad repeats. He laughs. “And you think you can make me surrender? The only person who ever had a chance of doing that was Alex. And she made the right choice, joining the winning side of this war.” He circles in front of her now, Kara behind her. 

Alex looks between them and realizes she’s become a human shield. She tries not to breathe too deep, tries not to move.

“Besides,” her dad continues. “You’re all by yourself. I have an entire army spread throughout this building. You think you can beat me? Alone?”

“She’s not alone.”

Alex’s knees nearly buckle.  _Maggie_.

“She has us.”

_James_.

“And we’re taking her home.”

_J’nonn._

Alex stands still. There’s a look on her dad’s face - it’s not panic, but it’s close. It fades instantly. She feels like she’s in a shark tank, paralyzed while everyone moves around her. She feels a familiar hand at her back. 

“This isn’t you, Jeremiah,” J’nonn says calmly. He brushes by Alex’s shoulder.

“No, this  _is_  me,” her dad says. He spreads his arms wide. Alex winces; he’s exposing all of his weak spots. She knows no one will take the shot but fifteen-year-old Alex, the one who never got to have her dad say he was proud of her, winces. “This is who I was meant to be.”

“Jeremiah Danvers was a good man,” Kara interrupts. Her cape sweeps at Alex’s feet. “He saved a little girl and made her believe in humanity.”

“Jeremiah Danvers was weak.” He flexes his cybernetic arm. “Now? Now I’m finally at full strength.”

They’re still circling. Maggie is at her back again. Alex holds her breath, not daring to move.

“And now that I have Alex, we can do anything,” her dad continues.

“She’s coming home with us,” J’nonn repeats. He’s in front of her now, Maggie over his left shoulder.

Her dad shrugs. “She’s free to go. Just like she was free to come with me.”

Maggie loses her cool, just a little. “You  _son of a_  -“  J’nonn looks back over his shoulder to try and cut Maggie off, but she’s not even looking at him, her gun dropping slightly as she steps forward. “You coerced her. You lied to her! She trusted you!”

“Everyone makes choices, Detective Sawyer,” her dad says casually. “I believe I’ve heard you say that before, if I’m not mistaken.”

Maggie’s face reddens. She steps forward but James shoulders her back. Instead, she turns to Alex. “Baby, please. Leave with us.”

Alex opens her mouth but she can’t get words to come out. Her head is spinning as people keep moving around her. “I… I…” 

Her dad shrugs again. “Go, honey. If you want to. It’s up to you. Just like it was up to you to join me.”

Alex shakes her head, pressing her palm against her forehead. “I don’t know what to do,” she mumbles to herself.

“On three, duck,” someone whispers back. 

Kara ends up in front of her, her eyes steady and strong. She looks at Alex, looking into her. “Alex,” she tries. “I know how badly you wanted him back. I know you wanted him to be good.  _I know, Alex_.” She swallows heavily. “But he’s not. He’s not the same Jeremiah who left us. He’s different, Alex. But you’re good. You’re  _so good_. Whatever he promised you, it’s a lie. He can’t give you the life you wanted, Alex. We can. We love you, Alex. And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I’m sorry I didn’t take your side.” She steps closer to Alex. “But you’re my sister and I need you  _back_. We all love you and we want you to come with us.”

Alex feels a sob rise in her throat. Her dad is at her back, she knows, but she doesn’t see him.

She only sees her family, fanned out in front of her. Accepting her. Loving her. Rescuing her. J’nonn smiles; James nods; Maggie looks at her hopefully; Kara reaches for her. 

“Duck,” she whispers back.

By the time Maggie counts to three, Alex isn’t ready and she doesn’t duck. Something whizzes over her shoulder and hits a bunsen burner behind her. It explodes, the force of the blast pushing her forward. She feels Maggie catch her and they both hit the ground. Kara’s arms wrap around them and pull them both up. Something else cuts through the fabric of her shirt, searing her ear. James yells for them to get down. Kara goes up instead, bursting through the building with an extended fist. James comes up after her, J’nonn bringing up the rear. Alex ducks her head into Kara’s chest to avoid the pieces of concrete raining on them. Maggie’s fingers dig into her arm. 

Soot and concrete ash flood her mouth but for the first time in a few worlds, Alex can breath.

“Hold on!” Kara yells.

Alex has no intention of ever letting go. 

They’re above the Cadmus campus when something grabs her by the ankle and pulls, hard. Kara drops a few feet and Maggie’s grip slips slightly. Alex feels herself being tugged out of Kara’s arms and she struggles to hang on.

“Alex,” her dad shouts over the wind.

Maggie regains her grip on Alex’s sleeve, weaving her fingers through the tight fabric. They’re still flying, lower to the treeline than Alex wants them to be. Her dad’s feet bump the top of a tall tree. Maggie looks at Alex, her face twisted. She always looks this way before she’s about to do something she’s afraid Alex won’t like. 

But Alex can live with whatever Maggie needs to do; Alex just wants to live. 

Maggie lifts her foot high and brings it back down against the side of Jeremiah’s face. He shouts out in pain but manages to hold on. Maggie looks at Alex and mouths something that looks like ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’ before bringing her foot down again. Jeremiah screams again and lets go of Alex’s leg, falling into the canopy of trees beneath them.

Alex buries her face in Kara’s chest, winds her fingers in Maggie’s, and lets the wind rush in her ears.

They land in a clearing so far away from Cadmus that Alex can’t see it. She stumbles a little as Kara lets her go. Maggie holds on tightly, following Alex’s movement. They teeter to one side before Maggie finds her feet and holds them steady. Alex stares at the ground. 

“I got you,” Maggie whispers. “I got you.”

James and J’nonn land next to them. James pulls his helmet off. “We got her, Winn,” James says, his finger pressing against the comm in his ear.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispers. She looks up finally, meeting Maggie’s eyes, then Kara’s. “I’m sorry.” She feels her throat close and her eyes burn. “I’m so sorry.”

Maggie starts shaking her head, running her fingers over Alex’s face. “No. No, don’t apologize.”

“I’m so sorry,” Alex repeats. 

Something warm and solid presses against her side. She turns and blindly reaches for it, feeling J’nonn’s arms come up around her. Maggie is still tangled between them and then she feels Kara’s arms around her waist. She looks up over J’nonn’s large shoulder and sees James. He smiles and nods and says something into his earpiece she can’t here.

_Her family_.

There’s a soft pop behind them and they all turn, guns drawn and hands ready. Winn stumbles around uneasily before he rights himself and grins. “That was so cool!” He claps his hands together. “Wasn’t that awesome?”

Alex rushes him and grabs him by the shoulders, hugging him tightly. 

“I have been  _everywhere_  looking for you!” he shouts. “Like, Alex. I went to  _space_!”

Alex laughs with him and wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Uh, what?” James says, his finger still pressed into his comm. “No, Winn, you’re… You’re here.”

“We have to go,” Winn continues. “Kara can barely keep Maggie from tearing National City apart. I didn’t even know you were in a different world but I found your lab report in the hall and then there was this portal just drifting through the hallway like a Gastly in the Pokemon Tower and -“

Alex claps a hand down on his shoulder. “We get it.” She eyes the portal. “Do you think this is going to bring us back to the right time?”

“I think I figured it out,” Winn says. He opens a notebook he pulls out of his pocket. “I’m pretty sure I calculated the correct distance between -“

“Wait, wait,” Maggie cuts in. “You’re… What is happening? You’re leaving?”

Winn’s smile fades. “Oh, they don’t know you’re…”

“You’re from another world,” Kara cuts in. “Right?”

Alex nods slowly. 

"Barry told me all about this," Kara explains. "It's actually really cool. It's this idea that -"

Maggie pushes past Kara, coming to a stop in front of Alex. "Wait, you're not..."

"I can't stay," Alex breathes out.

Maggie shakes her head before Alex finishes her sentence. "No."

"Maggie -"

"No. I  _just_ got you back," Maggie says. "I'm not letting you go again."

Alex reaches for her, her hands coming to rest on Maggie's shoulders, lacing behind her neck. "I won't really be going anywhere," she says quietly. "Alex, the one who belongs in this world? She'll be here."

Maggie keeps shaking her head. "No. I'm  _not_ letting you go. You promised. You promised you'd hold on."

Alex smiles softly. "Maggie Sawyer, I have crossed nearly 10 worlds and in every single one of them, I am holding on for you."

Maggie's eyes are wide and wet at the edges and Alex can't wait to get home to her Maggie; to the Maggie who didn't have to rescue her from her father; to the Maggie who isn't dead; to the Maggie who isn't still with Emily; to the Maggie who helped Alex become the person she was too afraid to be. 

"So if you can wait, just a little bit longer, Alex is coming back to you," she promises Maggie.

Winn taps her shoulder gently. "Hey, we gotta..." He hooks his thumb over his shoulder at the portal, weakening on one side. 

"Right," Maggie says shakily. She clears her throat and backs up a little, pressing herself into Kara's side. 

Alex's heart swells just a little when Kara adjusts her stance to give Maggie some room to lean in. She looks at each one of them, her hand wrapped around Winn's arm. Her heart swells more and she bites down on her bottom lip so she doesn't say something stupid, like  _I'll stay_.

Instead, she promises herself she's going to fix it all in her own world.

She closes her eyes and lets Winn pull her home.

 

**world 38**

She lands on her back with a dub thud. Pain blossoms across her shoulder blades and she rolls to the side, groaning. Winn lands next to her, holding his elbow. He rolls onto his front and pushes up to his knees, breathing heavily. Alex rolls over slowly and does the same, the two of them leaning on each other for support.

"That was," she pants.

"So cool!" Winn finishes, wincing when he pumps his fist in the air. "And so dangerous."

Kara comes skidding to a stop next to them, her cape billowing out behind her. Maggie, a few steps behind, comes to a quick stop and bends at the waist, trying to catch her breath.

"What the hell?" Maggie asks. 

"Where were you?" Kara demands. She's the only one not winded.

Alex closes her eyes for a second to try and steady herself. "I slipped," she says eventually. She opens her eyes and laughs. "I slipped," she repeats.

Kara and Maggie look at each other warily and then back at Alex. "Okay?" Maggie asks.

"I slipped and fell into a time portal."

Maggie smacks Winn on the shoulder. "I told you to clean those up!"

Winn holds his shoulder and moves away from Maggie, behind Alex. "I only forgot about one," he whines.

Alex cuts off whatever Maggie is going to say, winding her arms around Maggie's waist and leaning into her. "I'm not mad," she says. "I'm... This world isn't perfect. None of them are. But you're alive. And I'm not a drunk. And you're with me and only me and everything is -"

"Alex," Maggie interrupts.

"No," Alex breathes out. "This is the only world that's close to perfect. This is the world where I already have everything I want. Everyone I want."

Maggie stares at her, stares into her, for such a long time that Alex wonders if the world is really standing still. And then Maggie is kissing her, hard and solid, and Alex's heart starts again, thudding through her chest.

"Uh, we'll go," Kara says after they finally break apart. "Let you two get home and... stuff."

The words sink in slowly. Kara is halfway down the hall before Alex spins quickly. “Come with us,” Alex blurts out. “Come over and have movie night with us.” She doesn’t even look back at Maggie. “Please?”

Kara looks at Maggie, though. She must get a nod in return because she’s smiling widely and bouncing up on the tips of her toes. “Yeah?”

Alex looks at Maggie now. Maggie rolls her eyes and laughs. “Yes. But go home and put on your pajamas, because you know you’re not going home tonight and you smell like a public gym.”

“Okay!” Kara agrees.

“And stop by and put in your own food order because I did  _not_  order anything close to enough food for you,” Maggie adds. 

Kara smiles brightly. “Okay. I’ll see you there!” She takes off down the hall, feet barely touching the ground.

“You know, when we talked about getting a dog, I meant an actual dog,” Maggie teases. “Not your sister.”

Alex flushes slightly, pressing her forehead against Maggie’s cheek. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Maggie smiles widely and Alex can't help it; she presses her thumb to Maggie's dimple. "Of course I don't."

"I miss her," Alex admits. "I miss how we used to be. Everything is different now."

"Because of me?" Maggie asks. 

"Yes," Alex says. She's not going to lie. "But mostly because of me. Because I'm not used to being myself and being her sister."

Maggie smiles crookedly. "You know those two things are the same person?"

Alex tilts her head. "I'm beginning to understand that."

Maggie nods after a moment, satisfied. "Well, let's get home before Kara gets there. Or another rogue portal sweeps us up and drops us in some weird world where we're not together."

Alex laces her arm through Maggie's and sighs. "Oh, if you only knew."


End file.
